Pressure!!!

So, I kinda cried in the bathroom tonight.

I'll start...
I earn less than RM2,000 a month.
Sometimes, lesser than RM1,500.
Yes, that's my salary even though I have a Bachelor's degree.
I used to work in the bank previously, but it only lasted for 6 months and a half.

I don't remember how, but my mom asked me to buy a house for us.
Well, yeah... I've always wanted to buy a house of my own.
I wanted my own asset.
But I just graduated last year.
How can I buy a house?
I can't even afford to buy a car.
If you're wondering why, my family doesn't have a house nor a car.
We live in a rented shop house.
We used to ride the bus to go places, or walk, or ride the taxi.
Ever since GrabCar started their service, we use that.
So yeah, no car and no house.
My mom kinda pressured me to buy a house.
I told her I can't.
Not with my salary, not with my commitment.
I have student loan to pay every month.
My GrabCar ride to work.
My insurance policy.
Lunch.
Phone top up.
I give my mom money too.

Haven't I done enough?
I mean, I started becoming a part-time insurance agent to earn a side income although I'm not good at it.
I even sell my stuffs online.
And started investing.
It's not going well, but it will soon, I believe.

I have too much on my plate.

My mom wanted to buy a house using my dad's EPF money.
Umm, how??
My dad is working oversea for like 8 years now.
Then she said after my dad comes back, he'll withdraw the money.
I asked her, who is gonna buy a house?
She replied, "You! And Ryan" (Ryan is my brother)
I was like, "I can't. My salary is not enough. The bank wants the ratio to be 60:40."
Then, she, "Then, fine. Let's just live here. Don't need to buy a house."
She started sulking.
When I tell her about a house I was aiming at Senadin that costs about RM340,000, and I just need to pay RM3,000 to book the house, she started talking to my sister.
She didn't want to listen.
But I kept talking and telling her that the lady selling house told me not to live there after I buy the house.
She asked me to rent it to students so I can pay the monthly installment without me taking out my own money.
I stopped talking when my mom ignored me.
**The conversation was more or less like that**

I need a new phone and spectacles actually.
But the balance of my salary is not even enough to buy both.
I've went to the phone repair shop TWICE to fix my phone.
I don't think I should go for the third time.
I might as well buy a new one.
As for my spectacles, I've been wearing this one for like 3 years.
My vision is different now ever since I started working my current job.
I face the laptop screen for an average of 10 hours a day.

My family can't rely on my salary and my brother's.
My brother earn exactly RM1,000 if not mistaken.
His employer ain't fair to him either.
My brother calls sometimes and saying he's sad.
Sometimes, he sounds depress and wants to cry.
He said he's not happy there.
He loves his job, but his employer treats him unwell.
He'll be leaving his job next year, around February, after about 4 years of working there.

So yeah, that's the reason why I cried in the bathroom.
I was pressured.
I already have pressure at work, now at home?
I know, my sisters dislike me when I didn't buy them stuffs, but I didn't buy anything for myself too.
You should see what I eat for lunch.
My food usually cost less than RM5 because I only take side dishes.
Sometimes, I do want to go out with friends, but with my tight budget, I can't.
Another reason is that I don't have a car.
I even plan to go travelling next year.
Travel, I love to travel.
But I never got the chance because I have a tight budget.
Now, I'm saving money for travelling and for a car's downpayment.
Hopefully, I can achieve these two by the middle of next year.

Thanks for reading.

Why me?

Hey peeps!
It's almost the end of 2018.
I decided to write a post today after a long time.
I just had to write this out 'cause I'm feeling a lot stress lately.
I'll begin with how my day went.
Let's start!

This morning, I woke up around the time I usually does.
Specifically, I woke up at 8.22am.
I think I forgot to set my alarm the night before.
Because it didn't rang this morning.
So yeah, I got up and get ready.
After that, I go to work.

We started by doing a little trading.
Yeah, that's my job, trading.
My job involves doing cryptocurrency.
After that, lunch time.
I ate alone as usual.
Went back to the office.

Okay, this is where it starts.
We did a little trading again.
And then, somehow, I was asked to write a formal letter.
I was asked about the storyboard for video animation.
This is what I'm going to talk about.

Let me tell you.
Before I started working here, I was told that the job scope was doing trading and customer service.
Somehow, I'm doing more than that.
I write news, look for a video animator, write the storyboard for the video, write a formal letter, design posters, etc
What's worse is when I'm rushed, and when people ask me stuffs about another thing that we're supposed to do while I'm struggling to finish the one I'm currently working on.

I used to love the working environment because everyone is friendly, helpful, and fun.
But as days go by, I'm starting to dislike it.
It's like everyone is taking advantage of me.
I always ask myself, "Why me?"
I cannot handle stress.
That's just me.
When I'm under pressure, I'll always stay quiet because I'm mad under pressure, but actually wanting to cry.
That's not it.
I don't just work during office hours, I work after I reach home too.
Nope, it's not another job.
It's the same job, except I work from home.
My working hours is from 9am to 6pm, but most of the time we had to stay a little longer at the office.
After reaching home, most of the time, we're required to some trading.
Usually we start trading around 9pm, and it usually ends around midnight.
We work during our day off too, and also during public holidays.
I can barely rest.
Sometimes, I have to be on call like a doctor.
There are a few times where I was out with my family on my day off, and they were looking for me, so I had to rush home just to work.

To those people who have a rough time at work, hang in there.
I'm staying strong even though I burst into tears sometimes.
Stay strong all.
I just need to get this off my chest.

As I'm ending this post, I'm actually doing my work.
It's 10.22pm.