Pressure!!!

So, I kinda cried in the bathroom tonight.

I'll start...
I earn less than RM2,000 a month.
Sometimes, lesser than RM1,500.
Yes, that's my salary even though I have a Bachelor's degree.
I used to work in the bank previously, but it only lasted for 6 months and a half.

I don't remember how, but my mom asked me to buy a house for us.
Well, yeah... I've always wanted to buy a house of my own.
I wanted my own asset.
But I just graduated last year.
How can I buy a house?
I can't even afford to buy a car.
If you're wondering why, my family doesn't have a house nor a car.
We live in a rented shop house.
We used to ride the bus to go places, or walk, or ride the taxi.
Ever since GrabCar started their service, we use that.
So yeah, no car and no house.
My mom kinda pressured me to buy a house.
I told her I can't.
Not with my salary, not with my commitment.
I have student loan to pay every month.
My GrabCar ride to work.
My insurance policy.
Lunch.
Phone top up.
I give my mom money too.

Haven't I done enough?
I mean, I started becoming a part-time insurance agent to earn a side income although I'm not good at it.
I even sell my stuffs online.
And started investing.
It's not going well, but it will soon, I believe.

I have too much on my plate.

My mom wanted to buy a house using my dad's EPF money.
Umm, how??
My dad is working oversea for like 8 years now.
Then she said after my dad comes back, he'll withdraw the money.
I asked her, who is gonna buy a house?
She replied, "You! And Ryan" (Ryan is my brother)
I was like, "I can't. My salary is not enough. The bank wants the ratio to be 60:40."
Then, she, "Then, fine. Let's just live here. Don't need to buy a house."
She started sulking.
When I tell her about a house I was aiming at Senadin that costs about RM340,000, and I just need to pay RM3,000 to book the house, she started talking to my sister.
She didn't want to listen.
But I kept talking and telling her that the lady selling house told me not to live there after I buy the house.
She asked me to rent it to students so I can pay the monthly installment without me taking out my own money.
I stopped talking when my mom ignored me.
**The conversation was more or less like that**

I need a new phone and spectacles actually.
But the balance of my salary is not even enough to buy both.
I've went to the phone repair shop TWICE to fix my phone.
I don't think I should go for the third time.
I might as well buy a new one.
As for my spectacles, I've been wearing this one for like 3 years.
My vision is different now ever since I started working my current job.
I face the laptop screen for an average of 10 hours a day.

My family can't rely on my salary and my brother's.
My brother earn exactly RM1,000 if not mistaken.
His employer ain't fair to him either.
My brother calls sometimes and saying he's sad.
Sometimes, he sounds depress and wants to cry.
He said he's not happy there.
He loves his job, but his employer treats him unwell.
He'll be leaving his job next year, around February, after about 4 years of working there.

So yeah, that's the reason why I cried in the bathroom.
I was pressured.
I already have pressure at work, now at home?
I know, my sisters dislike me when I didn't buy them stuffs, but I didn't buy anything for myself too.
You should see what I eat for lunch.
My food usually cost less than RM5 because I only take side dishes.
Sometimes, I do want to go out with friends, but with my tight budget, I can't.
Another reason is that I don't have a car.
I even plan to go travelling next year.
Travel, I love to travel.
But I never got the chance because I have a tight budget.
Now, I'm saving money for travelling and for a car's downpayment.
Hopefully, I can achieve these two by the middle of next year.

Thanks for reading.